I am convinced that moms are like Jedis. We have mind tricks, we can defeat an empire if we want to, and we have abilities that only moms can understand (like how to make a meal with only a couple of items you find in the fridge.) However, like any Jedi prone to use The Force in favor of light, we can also be turned into the dark side, particularly if you are a mom with anxiety. Luckily, this doesn’t have to be a permanent change, in the majority of the cases. It all depends on what we do when darkness strikes, and understanding that with our abilities we can come back to the light again even stronger than before. Like Anakin.
I am talking about those dark days when nothing seems to make sense. You can’t stand anything and anybody. No method under your sleeve works to make you feel better and your mind it’s just a dark cloud. When your anxiety is the worst, almost unbearable. When you may have one or more panic attacks as the cherry on top, or you just might feel powerless. There is no energy and no will. When you are trying to recover from anxiety or any other mental illness you may have those setbacks. You may have had an amazing week and all of a sudden the Anxiety Monster strikes back. What to do? How to recover from that state quickly before I mess all the progress and without sinking my family with me into the darkness? It’s not easy but this is possible. These are the 3 rues I follow when I have a dark day. And they work!
1. The day will happen no matter what and it will end no matter what.
Someone long time ago told me this sentence and it became a mantra that I use when I have a dark day. I am already in that state and I have to know that the day will pass and come to an end. So I move through it by steps, accomplishing the little tasks I need to achieve from taking a shower when I wake up to go to sleep at night. It’s like following a step-by-step program for the day. Plus the thing is no matter how shitty you might feel, you are still a mom, or you still have to go to work, or do both in pandemic times, and you have to be a responsible parent, co-worker, boss, employee etc. It’s not like you can just go under the blanket and watch bad T.V. all day. It’s easier if you move little by little and take in the small victories of the day.
2. Do nothing sometimes is the best choice.
Like a mathematical law (or maybe it’s Murphy’s law) in the dark days your kids behave the worst, your house is messier, some home appliance breaks, you get a new problem at work, or something unexpected just seem to appear out of nowhere. So let’s talk about laws because there is an explanation. A few years ago I started to read about the Law of Attraction. I interpreted it like some sort of power like The Force (don’t laugh, bear with me!) It’s very simple. You attract what you think. It turns out that you send messages to the universe attracting what you think, whether you want it or not. It all depends on the power you give to your thoughts and it can be negative or positive. So of course when you have a negative “dark force” giving power to your thoughts, what you attract is more of that whereas when you give a “positive power” to the thoughts you’ll get more of abundance, happiness, etc. However, sustaining that “positive power” is extremely challenging. You need to create habits to reinforce this and this doesn’t happen magically. I usually practice meditation, prayer, journaling among other things. But when a dark day strikes, and it happens because life happens, sometimes my methods make me feel better and others nothing can. Then I just do nothing. I don’t make efforts or try to force my way into happiness. It’s like when one of my kids or even myself have a stomach bug. You just need to let it run its course. I know that it won’t last forever, so for a couple of days I stop demanding stuff from myself. I cry if I want to, I scream if I need to, I allow myself to feel sad, angry, lazy or whatever emotions or state it is. And let it be. Do nothing. Remain still to don’t stir. However, I take a mandatory precaution which leads me to point #3.
3. Press the reset button in your head.
You can’t let the dark cloud stay stationary in your life. When darkness strikes you need an imaginary reset button. This is what I do. After my shitty day and when I have put my kids to sleep I do something that makes me feel better. It can be taking a warm shower, eating a piece of chocolate cake, or simply watching something I like on TV. The idea is to do something that gives you a pleasurable sensation. And when I am done with that I use visualization. I imagine a red button with the big letters RESET. I think about the day and examine it. I ask myself “what can I learn from today?” Then I convince myself that nighttime will give me the chance to recharge my system; that as soon as I press that button I will go to sleep and when I wake up next day I will basically be rebooted and my system will work as brand new. In my head I press that button and then go to sleep. See what I did there? I sent the message to The Universe saying: Ok, I had a bad day and I will get the lessons and move on. And I go to bed with that in mind and it makes a big difference. Chances are next day I will feel better.
Sometimes it takes more than a day or two to get out of the darkness. The longer you are in that state the more effort from your side you require to come back to the light. Know that it’s normal. Every single mom has those days, whether they suffer from anxiety or not. However, I know that anxiety or any other kind of mental illness makes those days more common and more difficult to overcome. Dark days are necessary because they keep us on our toes. They give us lessons, they are reminders of what it’s important to us, they come like rain as they cleanse us and force us to be introspective, to have conversations with our inner being. Rain is necessary for you to appreciate the ray of light. Plus, remember that you have the power to turn back always, if you allow yourself to know what works for you, if you believe that you have the power within you and listen to the voice of your heart (or to The Force if it helps!)
What do you do when a dark day strikes? Which methods work for you? Share your stories with me!
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