May your love and compassion be stronger than your fears

I can see it now. My Anxiety Monster is standing in the corner with a bigger champagne glass than mine, on the night of December 31st at 11:59 PM, 2019. As I am about to toast for the New Year my monster is smirking, patiently waiting and thinking: “Bless her heart.” I can see him smiling and saying goodbye before passing out, allowing me a few extra hours of celebration without his constant threat. Little did I know that the months that would follow were going to be an absolute test to my anxiety control methods, originated from years of trial and error learning that have kept that monster at bay.

This was supposed to be THE year. At that moment I was finishing the manuscript of a new book for moms with anxiety and I was launching the Momxious platform in full force. Enter 2020 and things turned let’s say, complicated. Now that I think about it, this has been a perfect year for my plans, nothing is coincidental after all… All the things that I have tried and taught me to keep my anxiety in control, all the methods and resources that I was about to publish and give to the community I was forming, needed to be put to a test like never before. We are just in June and who knows what this year will keep unfolding. However, six months have been enough to show me that I was meant to do this, and that now and more than ever I can be sure about what I found, certain about the methods I developed to control anxiety and reduce stress, and about the help I want to provide to the community that follows and reads me.  

Yes, 2020 has been difficult, that’s not a secret. But for us who have mental health issues, it has been a beast.  Since January, it has been like there is an invisible magician unveiling a new trick every single month. I have felt like a kid who have just stopped being afraid of the waves in the ocean. As soon as he goes to swim a new wave hits him twirling him under the surf. But the kid stands up and embraces the ocean again, just to get hit by another wave, and another, and then another… Then he faces a choice. Even though when he is having kind of fun, he is tired of the waves so he can quit. But he loves the water! He loves the ocean! He wants to be in it! The question is, is he going to let the waves ruin his experiences because of fear or will he become a better swimmer so he can even enjoy the waves and avoid getting drown?​

During the last few months I have cried. I have screamed. I have doubt myself. I have felt panic attacks. I have had dark days… We are currently living in a time where there is a lot of anger and frustration, sadness and fear. And I am not telling you here to feel otherwise, it’s impossible! How not to feel anger when in this day and age you still have to explain other adults about racism? How not to feel scared when millions of people continue dying of coronavirus and because of the news you feel like there is no place safe anymore? How not to feel frustration when you see millions without a job or even when you find yourself struggling financially? Or not to be sad when you can’t see your loved ones or hug them or celebrate your achievements like you’ve always wanted to?

Let me tell you something, what you do with your anger, frustration, fear and sadness can make a big difference and it’s only YOUR decision to make. There are two paths, and allow me to talk like Yoda for a bit: You can let those emotions drive you to the dark side, or you can turn them into your fuel to take action. Even though you are experiencing those negative emotions, you can still make decisions from a place of love and light. Otherwise you will follow a dangerous path, destructive, violent and dark and at the end useless. I am believer that we are all beings of light who can shine bright if we want to. Even when things go wrong or don’t work out. We have that power inside so despite desperation we can still be the light for others and for ourselves. We have the capacity to dream and create, and construct and rebuild if necessary. We have the power to look for solutions instead of focusing on the problems, to generate discussions that activate our thinking and inspire others into action. I am not asking you to be happy and exhilarated in a matter of seconds. I am asking you to think that when you use love and compassion even in the darkest context, you can achieve better results than when you remain in fear.

This is what I suggest you to do right now if you like me, are struggling with anxiety and trying to navigate 2020. I promise you will feel much better!

– Embrace that negative emotion and let it all out. Don’t swallow the feeling. Do what you need to do: cry, scream, punch a pillow, find something to release that energy… but do it on your own and safely. Do not harm yourself in the process and not release the emotion toward another human being because you can cause more harm than good. You will regret your actions and there is no way of turning back time. You are NOT Marty McFly.  

– Get involved: If there is something that 2020 has taught us is that there are a LOT of things broken and they need to be fixed. We inevitably need each other to make some changes. We can’t come back to the world we used to have. Not after all what has happened, not after all the people we have lost in different circumstances lately, and after all the sacrifices that we all had had to make. Support a cause, volunteer your time, shop locally, organize an event, be vocal, stand up for what you believe, defend others, attend a pacific protest, talk to your family and friends and have productive discussions about what is happening around the world particularly with the fight against racism, talk to your kids and teach them to be socially involved, donate if you can… just to give you some examples. Giving is the best way to turn any negative emotion into fuel of action.

-Practice gratitude:  I can’t stress this one enough. No matter the circumstances or challenges in life there is always something to be grateful for. Negative emotions can cloud our judgment that’s true, and it’s easier to see the greatness when things are working out. But even in the darkest circumstances, through loss and pain, anger and frustration, we still have air to breathe. We still have the present time to work with, we have others around us, we have possibilities and choices. If you still have your job be thankful. If you have food on your table be thankful. If you wake up be thankful. If you have a roof, a bed, and clothes, be thankful. Write a list of 5 things daily, the more you look into it the more things you will be grateful for, the more grateful you are the more light you will find, and more aligned you will be. This is the key to find abundance and getting inspired to create solutions instead of focusing on problems. It wont happen from one day to the other but gradually you will feel better just by practicing this.

– Don’t follow the dark cloud: Rain is very useful if you think about it. Like it does on earth, it cleanses you and let you flourish.  But if you are under the rain for long time of course you will suffer. The thing is that for us the anxious ones, we tend to follow the dark cloud no matter what. With time you get used to the rain, the thunder and the darkness and you don’t seek light because you feel it’s impossible. But not only it IS possible, it IS necessary. You might feel comfortable under the rain and yes you might have to fight to see the light but it’s all worth it. Practicing all of the above will help you to slowly get back into the light and enjoy sunny days again. But remember this is YOUR CHOICE.

-Let your love and compassion be stronger than your fears: We all have our monster to deal with. And every time you have those negative emotions you are feeding yours. The current situation of the world is forcing us to stop, listen and redirect. Every time you feed your monster, you are taking power from yourself to give it to him. Before reacting just remember that you have the power of love and compassion inside you. So let your decisions sit there for a bit until you find that power and move on.

I hope we can see 2020 as a teacher.  Maybe we needed this to have a transformation and we will get out of this stronger and become better life swimmers after all.  No matter the waves or the thunder.

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