Have you ever wondered what would you do if you were without your kids for a while? Well momma be careful what you wish for. It has been 8 weeks since my kids Eva (8) and Erik (5) left with family overseas. There are an innumerable amount of reasons why we decided to do this. Eva my oldest has been traveling with family for years, and it was her sibling’s turn to go along with the experience. This year we let them go for the whole summer. But I am not going to talk about the benefits for them and how this experience is great for their independence and learning. This blog post is not about them. I want to tell you about my experience instead and why I should or shouldn’t advise you to do it if you ever have the chance.
Moms have a few favorite sentences including “oh if I wouldn’t have the kids I could have time for (blank).” So hell yeah, when my in laws offered to take the kids for the summer I packed for them faster than if I was preparing for an imminent zombie apocalypse.
This is what I pictured first. I thought it was going to be a wild summer. Finally time for me, for relaxing and enjoying life without the worries and parenting responsibilities, it seemed like an effing great deal. Little did I know that the summer was going to leave me instead with one surprising lesson: when I was finally alone with myself, with all the time in the world I realized I had no idea who I really was anymore and what I really wanted to do. I though I knew, but I was mistaken.
Let me elaborate. When motherhood seems overwhelming we tend to get lost thinking of our younger selves, longing for those “golden years” when we were wild, free, and reckless… when we could do whatever and whenever we want because no one was depending on us to survive. In reality, once the kids are gone for the summer and you are finally with that time you realize you are not that person anymore. You want different things. How you want to spend your time and your priorities have changed and this has an impact on how you see life, even when your kids are not close to you.
When your wish for “me time” is granted you can either rest on your laurels or fight for rediscovering yourself somehow. Because either you accept it or not you know that we let motherhood prevail over all the things that we are. So when you suddenly don’t fulfill that role for a little while you are forced to confront yourself. “Who I am as a woman now that I am a mother?” That was the question I asked myself and I am glad I had these 8 weeks to get to answer it.
There are two “yous” that live the experience. First is the hedonist you. She feels it’s time to indulge. So she drinks all the wine and wakes up with a massive hungover but smiles because she doesn’t have anyone to feed, and she can sleep all day if she wants to on a Saturday even when the day is sunny outside because the only thing she wants to do is rest. Do nothing. She goes to the movies, and is the first in the group of friends that finishes the entire season of every Netflix release of the summer. She re watches the final season of Game of Thrones while eating popcorn in her bed. She feels free to walk naked around the house, and she is so happy with the fact that she doesn’t have to lock doors or the need to hide from anyone to enjoy intimate and passionate time with her husband.
And there is the other “you.” The analytical you. She questions herself and even she can’t recognize who she has become. So in an effort to get rid of bullshit, she starts decluttering the house but in reality she is decluttering her life. The more she throws away the more she realizes she needs very little to be happy. Although she enjoys being surrounded by silence, sometimes she misses the little screams, the sibling fights, and the sound of those little feet running all over the place. So she discovers that the mess, the noise and the chaos add significance to her life. Then she goes to their empty perfectly clean and organized bedrooms and she feels surprisingly lonely. But she feels encouraged because she knows they will be back soon. So without the worries she decides to reinvent herself to be a better woman, realizing at last that this is what she is, A WOMAN, not a mom or a wife or a daughter or a sister… she is a woman with needs and dreams, and yes with a lot of roles to play. She plans and reorganizes her priorities. She reconnects with her soul because she hasn’t done it in a while. She has conversations with herself, often she laughs and cries unexpectedly. She finally finds the courage of getting things done, things that she had kept dormant because she hasn’t given priority to her desires. She starts taking care of her body and soul like never before. She loves what she does with her life more than never before. She gets creative, starts new projects, jumps to opportunities with no fears because for the first time in a while she feels that strength that she was lacking.
A childless summer is not only fun and games, it’s also a chance for self examination. If you have the chance to do this GO FO IT next year without a single drop of guilt. Start planning on it, it doesn’t have to be 8 weeks. You will find that motherhood is a big part of who you are but not all, and that you will be a better mother if you learn to love yourself and who you are as woman.
When I finally saw those little faces again I couldn’t contain my happiness not only because I missed them like crazy but also, because thanks to this experience I have a clearer vision of who I am and what I want NOW and that I have to take it and own it. I am woman now content with her life as she goes with it, who lives and enjoys the present, not longing for her past self and not thinking about her future too much. Let me tell you something mom THESE are your golden years, right here right now while you still have your kids next to you. One day it won’t be a childless summer it will be a childless life again. So you better enjoy it while you still can and reinvent yourself when you have the chance.
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