For the past week there was a common denominator while I spoke to several of my moms friends. Almost all of them repeated the following sentence: I am tired of this (insert any synonym of poo that you can imagine here and in different languages). The cooking, the cleaning, the dishes, the dealing with distance learning with kids that are fed up with distance learning… we are all feeling the burn and no, I am not talking politics here. Moms are really burning out.

After weeks of being inside and with that awful sensation of uncertainty about the future, our levels of anxiety can vary for mini monster to a mega one in a matter of minutes. One moment you are meditating trying to put your mind at ease thinking you got this all figure it out, and 10 minutes later you find yourself locked in your closet drinking vodka shots. I am not going to say it’s normal because is not. But there is nothing normal anymore. We are all learning and adapting to a new way of living inside and out of our houses. Our relationships are changing. The way we think about the future is changing. And you are exhausted. Maybe during Mother’s Day you kind of had a break. Maybe you got your morning breakfast in bed, your family cleaned up, and you felt some love. But here comes a new week and it is no longer more Mother’s Day but Groundhog Day all over again.

Take a deep breath mama. You are doing what you can. You will have good days and bad ones. We have a few more weeks of distance learning and I know you want to throw in the towel. But I am going to give you some recommendations so you don’t lose your (insert any synonym of poo that you can imagine here and in different languages). As a mom that has battled anxiety for quite sometime, I can tell you there are things you can do to make this a little more manageable. Don’t let the anxiety monster win the battle!

1.  Surrender the control.

Knowing that things are not always going to work out and that this is totally fine will save you a lot of anger and frustration. There are things that go beyond your control and there is nothing you can do about it. The key is to identify what are those moments FOR YOU because this is different for every person. What is not in your control, like Elsa, Let it go. For a bunch of us the subject of distance learning falls in this category. There is nothing you can do, your kid has to still doing this for ate least a couple of weeks. So try to do your best. It’s not the ideal situation and I bet even the teachers are fed up with this system. But we can’t change it. Do what you can. Some days will be better than others. Some homework will be finished, some is not even going to get started… some days your kid is actually learning something, some others that won’t happen. There will be still some tears, things that nobody understand but you always have the chance of surrender the control and be ok with the fact that plans change, things get broken, mistakes are made… and you just need to let it go and move on.

2. Repeat after me: Perfection and Motherhood won’t coexist.

Engrave that into your soul the faster the better. Moms are not angelical figures that never make mistakes. We are human beings and we don’t have to be picture perfect all the time, or have a plan for every single thing, or look like we have everything under control 100% of the time nor we have to demonstrate nothing to the rest of the world.  I believe that most of our anxiety comes from that pressure of trying to be just perfect. Embrace your imperfections, your mistakes, and just be yourself. It’s a cliche, I know, but in this case it works. Right now it is all about survival,  so perfections standards are just going to hurt us. You don’t have to be a perfect mom, a perfect woman with the perfect body and the perfect life, with the perfect husband and the perfect kids, with the perfect house because that doesn’t happen, not even on fairy tales. And also, this is not the time to add stress by trying to achieve millions of things. If it makes you happy to start that online challenge of 100 burpees a day go ahead, or if you really want to learn German be my guest. But if makes you unhappy and miserable and you are doing it just because you feel the pressure or to pretend to be someone you are not, then you are digging your own grave my friend…

3. Connect don’t isolate.

That scene when Ross Geller finds Rachel and Joe kissing for the first time and he constantly repeats “I am fine,” is perfect to talk about this subject. Sometimes when a mom feels overwhelmed she believes that she has to hide this from the rest of the mom pack. She feels like if she mentions that something is not working right, she will look weak and insecure and this will damage her “perfect” reputation as a perfect mom. The thing is this: if this is you, as you repeat “I am fine, everything is fine, I am fine” we all know that you are just pulling a Ross.  We can sense the desperation behind your voice, your need of screaming out loud “YES! I am burning out!”, and we feel bad because you won’t say anything so we can’t help you release that frustration. Believe just by admitting it out loud you will release such frustration. It’s OK not to be OK. And it’s Ok to speak about it, actually it’s necessary. Another big anxiety enhancer for us moms is the fear of being judged. I get it. Once I was like that, and this is why I was afraid of speaking about my anxiety for years. But I realized that talking about the ugly side of motherhood was crucial for me to manage my anxiety and also, I found out that by talking about these things I was helping others to realize they were not alone. However, this leads me to my next point….

4. Don’t judge others.

While some moms practice compassion and empathy there is still a great number of moms out there that belong to the “Judgy Judgerson” circle.  And this is another big problem. I know we all judge, it’s in our nature. But I am begging you, please try to not give into judgments as much as you can, don’t play that game. It will affect your sanity and all the negative energy you are trying send to another person will come back to you in triple amounts. Plus, when you judge someone, in reality you are just bothered by something about yourself and you think that by making someone feel bad it will make you feel better.  Do not judge another mom. You don’t know her story, you don’t see her struggles, you don’t understand her reasons… Try to give compliments instead, try to like her posts, try to lift her up… but if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.

5. Be grateful.

I left this one at last but it’s the most important of all. Be grateful ALL the time. When you practice gratitude things change. Your energy shifts. And things start getting into place. No matter the situation, no mater your circumstances, your challenges or how you feel, you will always have plenty of things to be thankful for. If you need to cry, scream, or complain, do it. You are human. Sometimes is good to unburden yourself and let it all out. But after you are done, give thanks. Look around you. See the blessings that surround you and you will feel better. Start and finish your day with gratitude no matter what. You will sense the difference, I believe like sensing The Force…

Other little things…

If you just want a quick fix, I got you covered!

Indulge guilty free. Eat that cake for crying out loud!

Have some time alone. A few minutes locked up in your bathroom can make a difference. What? Do you think your husband is the only one that can “fake poop”?

Put your favorite music and have a drink.

Practice silly dancing.

Go for a run or a walk.

Netflix and chill has a reason of existing…

Leave everything how it is and do nothing.

You don’t have to burn out alone. We are all experiencing something that is challenging right now. Be sure about something though. Moms, we are phoenixes,  we reinvent ourselves daily so bring it on Covid! You can win some battles but you will not win the war! (….Wait is that a Murder Hornet I see in the window?)

What do you do to cope with burnout? Share with me. Ad the tag #IAmaMomxious and help us end the stigma of motherhood and mental health.

If you like what I write and want access to a great mom tribe membership, maybe you would like to pre-order my upcoming book The Anxious Mom Manifesto HERE and get some immediate FREE bonuses!

To subscribe to The Momxious 5 Newsletter CLICK HERE