When we become mothers, we also become experts. Better said, we become mom coaches. Like those people who think they know everything about soccer (myself included) and when they watch any game they believe they could do a better job than Franz Beckenbauer himself. As mom coaches, we feel we have the authority to advise others, often without the other mom asking for it. Even, many of these mom coaches make their living giving advice and some become famous under the title of “baby concierges” ridiculous label by the way, and more ridiculous is to think that people feel the urge to pay a fortune for this service when you have on hand dozens of mom friends who give better advice for free. But anyway… good for them. The truth is that among mothers we have a unique way of understanding each other and therefore when a friend asks for advice we should be completely honest. I warn you that this post will touch raunchy subjects, so if you are one of those moms who feel offended when someone talks about the bad and the ugly sides of motherhood, or considers real motherhood talking as sacrilege, stop now and read something else because I am about to ruin your day or at least your mood. Please note that I am in my 29th week of pregnancy and I didn’t have a good night … Pregzilla is on the loose. These are in my opinion the truths and tips that moms should tell each other, for free!
1. Do not despair. It gets worse. It happens to all of us. Those moments of despair when we would like to scream “I quit!” But behold, moms cannot quit or have the right to sick days. Then we turn to more expert moms seeking advice. They try desperately to keep us calm, and give us their best tips. However, although the crisis is over, because (and this remember well) every crisis is temporary, these moms know it very well: the bigger the children, the greater the problems. So when you have one of these crises think in the future that is not yet here and feel calmer. Eventually everything will pass… And use your wisdom and share it even if your experience has been short. There will always be a mother with less experience than you and need your advice.
2. Life does change. Sure. Being a mom does not mean that you will stop being you. Or that you suddenly have to change what you like to do in life. But life as you know it will change whether you like it or not, depends on how you take it. I confess that sometimes I envy those mothers or childless friends that party every single weekend and then put their pictures on Facebook. But at the same time I wonder if I would have the energy to keep staying up late dancing and drinking like in my pre-motherhood days and be able the next day to take care of my two year old daughter, who wakes up religiously at 7 a.m., as if nothing had happened. Maybe in a few years when my kids are older and sleep until later, or even when they at least will be able to prepare breakfast, things will improve in my energy department again, allowing me to enjoy these evening activities without many consequences. For now, my sleeping hours are worth gold, and if you have young children you should consider this. There is time for everything, and occasionally getaways are achieved. But for now, forget about partying too much and rest when you can. For your physical and mental health.
3. You can’t have it all. And the greatest proof of this is that if this were possible, we would not spend a minute discussing this subject. Do an experiment. Grab any women’s or parenting magazine, and I’ll bet that there should be at least one article related to “how to keep the balance between work and family.” If someone had found the perfect formula for this topic this would not generate any debate. Simply because having it all is very personal. What is “all” to me it is not “all” to another mom. So first figure out what is your “all” and then dedicate yourself to find a way to get it. A good clue is when your decisions make you happy. But when something feels uncomfortable then your “all” is affected and maybe you have to change something. So instead of thinking of having it “all” think in terms of happiness. What makes me happy and what not, no matter what others say, what other moms do, or what society expects.
4. You can’t do it alone. It is true that moms acquire great powers as time passes. The gift of ubiquity, “multitasking” at its best, and even invisibility … but beware. All of this can make you feel as powerful as in the movie Bruce Almighty and sometime chaos breaks out and you can’t do this alone. Take a deep breath and ask for help … even if it hurts. Ask your husband, friends, mother, aunt, neighbor, or even Virgin Mary herself to help you out. And above all thank the help and repay!
5. The truth of getting back on the roller coaster. That is, when you decide or it just happens, to have more children. I mean. Imagine yourself in an amusement park. Suddenly you find yourself in front of one of those roller coasters that look fascinating but also terrifying. The largest and most striking of the park. The first time you ride it you are full of expectations. Fearful, anxious, but eager to experiment. The adrenaline is flowing while you are up and buckled in the car. You know that no one can take you out of there, but you are happy, with a big smile. When the car goes into a tailspin there is no other choice than to enjoy the ups, somersaults, the downs and everything that comes with it. You step off the roller coaster and decide to go around the park and in a few moments you have forgotten the experience. But after a while, a little tired and low on energy, you go back there to see that roller coaster that struck you so, in which you suffered but also enjoyed like never before. Then in an act of courage, (or in some cases obligation) you find yourself again up and buckled in the car. There is no way back. The car is ascending slowly and you can’t help but wonder: “Who the heck convinced me to ride this thing again?” You already have knowledge of what is coming… no one can take you down. Moms are you with me? Well, yes. Having another child is re-riding a roller coaster. If you’re going up, there is no option than to relax and enjoy, remember to keep your hands inside the car, and prepare yourself for impact because they say, I don’t know yet, that the second time the experience is stronger. Let alone imagine a third, fourth, fifth…
6. Being a mother makes you unique, then feel unique. Not everything can be bad… every mom is a different world. Wait, not a world, is a universe! Unique, beautiful, valuable, unprecedented, majestic and worthy of veneration universe! Nobody else will do what a mom does everyday. What we have done for those we love and what we do for them no one else will. So at the end of the day, in the silence of the home, when the lights go out and it’s time to close your eyes, do so with the full satisfaction of knowing that there is no one in the universe like you. That eventually the baby concierges or experienced moms can’t do much if you do not hold on to YOUR instinct, YOUR love and YOUR only tireless determination. A mother is an irreplaceable being.
