I remember an episode of the series Sex and the City where Miranda asks her group of friends an advice about a man she is dating, but who apparently did not have much time for her. Suddenly, Carrie’s boyfriend, if I’m not wrong is Berger, tells her with such breathtaking honesty: “He is not that into you.” Despite her friends’ reaction, all horrified by this revelation, Miranda takes the advice as the most liberating phrase ever. Such impact did that chapter had in pop culture that the phrase was practically institutionalized as a law among single women looking for a stable relationship, and even it led to a film. The phrase is encouraging and depressing at the same time, yes, but undoubtedly, if single women would use it as part of their dating philosophy, they would save time, money and even medical bills.
Recently, I had a similar experience with a phrase, but this time, related to a totally different subject. As you know those who read my blog, and those who do not I will shortly update you, I have had several problems with my daughter while I try to get her to go to sleep, situation that has improved considerably. Amid the chaos and despair I found a book. “The no cry sleep solution” by Elizabeth Pantley. This book never struck me before because, I say it openly, I do not see ANYTHING wrong with children crying occasionally as a method for going to sleep. But that’s another story.
As always when I have a problem of “mother nature,” impatience blinds me and knows no bounds. Like many moms I want my problem to be solved faster than immediately, whether because I am tired, have no time, I am desperate… a mom would dream of having a magic button that helps us to solve any situation related to our little ones quickly and without conflict. And then there is the pressure from other moms. I do not understand why some moms, and as such they should share that gender solidarity more than any other woman, are determined to compete with others, as if mothers would receive a golden medal when our children successfully reach a milestone. I mean, I am not talking about when us moms share those victories, because in fact there is nothing more exciting than to shout them out to the world because for moms these are big hits even though they are stupid for others. I speak of those moms who boast of their perfect life, as if we did not know that secretly they must hide in the closet to mourn occasionally; those who say they’ve never had problems with their children, husbands or families; who claim to have everything under control, and they swear they don’t need any help at all, but in fact that superwomen syndrome has them on the brink of Prozac … Thanks to those masked moms, many of us develop feelings of guilt, which should not happen at all.
Anyway back to the topic. Amidst all this I found this phrase in the book: “parenting isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. You’ve only just begun, so there is no reason to rush yourself or your child.” I was stunned for a moment … as a Miranda Hobbes of motherhood. I understood that on one hand, I will spend the rest of my life facing problems with my children, which is clear. There will always be a challenge and I have to accept this reality as a mom, period. But I got into this marathon, untrained though, but I have no choice to run it calmly, with patience and breathing exercises, and without suffocating myself because I can’t pretend that I will finish the race in five minutes, and resolve instantly whatever motherhood throws in front of me… This marathon is full of obstacles, yes. But at the same time each day that passes I realize that the prize is already in my arms. Moms, tell me if an “I love you mommy” or a smile isn’t enough to make you forget about the rest of the world and its problems? So every time from now on, any obstacles I will face will take me back to this phrase. And then I will take a deep breath and keep running the marathon, at my own pace!
