How to be a mother, dream, and don’t die trying

For many women managing motherhood and their individual dreams becomes a frustration. I have been there, at the point of saying, “I’m a mother, I always wanted to be, I love my life … but something is missing.” Well, that something was the impetus to fight for my dreams and find the way to make them true. I tell you, this is not impossible.

When I was in my twenties I was editor in chief of a magazine, had momentum and dreams that today I recognize unclear. The idea I had in mind then was very simple. I would continue with my super journalism career on the rise, and when the motherhood time came, it was all about stopping for a few months and return to the professional arena ready to become the executive of the year (That’s why they have nannies isn’t it?) Today in my thirty-threes, I’m not an editor, and sparingly -because things are tough out there- I do freelance from time to time. But I’m happily married, I have a beautiful two year old baby girl, and I say this with pride and not with grief, I am a STAY-AT-HOME-MOM, yes, struggling today to get her first fantasy fiction novel published, but please have no doubt about it, I will. Over the years I realized that sometimes life itself takes care of putting us in critical circumstances in which, either you choose to have the life you always wanted, or you decide to imitate the life of others, leaving behind that flame in your heart that is the pursuit of your dreams.

However, to get to this point of lucidity cost me many tears and an identity crisis, and I believe –and if you say you don’t you are a liar- all moms have at some point. Those who say that they have everything clear and under control, are in my opinion the least clear of us. Yes, all of us have felt frustration, or have thought we are doing something wrong, or have had thousands of questions. Some have role crises, as mothers, as wives, as single mothers, as professionals, or all mixed. The important thing is to know that this is okay; it’s normal and you don’t have to feel bad about it. These crises helped me to reconnect and find my dreams. I always wanted to be a writer and I left that in oblivion, because of course, how I was going to be different if all my friends work and are successful? And that’s the point. I was happy when I accepted that success, priorities, and dreams are different from one mom to another. My success is not longer determined wether or not I  become the executive of the year. My success is being happy with who I am, knowing that I am a brave woman and although I don’t have a lot of money in my pocket or a check each month, I fight for my dreams as an individual, and this makes me a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister and everything in between. Well. These are simple tips in case you enter in crisis. And don’t panic!

1. Do not compare. All moms and all children are different.

2. Set aside time for yourself. Even if it’s only 15 minutes a day where you are just you, not a mom, a wife, a girlfriend, a boss, a subordinate, or whatever. NO LABELS just you and do whatever you please.

3. Do not isolate yourself. Sometimes you’re not looking for advice but it’s always good to talk with other people, or just get away from the routine. Talk to your friends. Have your own circle of support; this will save you in therapy, trust me. And keep on with the girl’s night out thing.

4. Do not forget your love life. Even if you are married or not, having a partner involves some effort. Do your part and do not take all for granted because love, like friendship, is one of those things that needs care to grow.

5. Love the way you are. With your flaws and strengths, and acknowledge your dreams and fight for them! As crazy as they seem!

Any other ideas fellow moms?