How to gain physical, mental, and spiritual strength through a physical activity you love.
I have anxiety, I am slightly overweight, and to be honest, I am not that strict with diet and exercise. Still, on November 21st I ran/walked, but most importantly, finished my first half marathon.
And guess what, I was the last one in the race! but I didn’t care at all! When I got that medal I felt like a winner. I had beaten my old self and that is the only competitor that mattered to me.
Why am I telling you this first? Because you see, I could have used all of those negative things as an excuse to not do something challenging, something that has inspired me and has transformed my life. But I didn’t.
Instead, I took my anxious, slightly fat lazy ass out and trained for months, not with the intention to lose weight, I didn’t want to lose anything! I wanted to gain. To gain mental and physical strength of course. However, I ended up gaining something more. Mindfulness. A state of becoming present through a physical activity I enjoyed. Also, the whole experience left valuable teachings behind.
When you find yourself in a place of doubt, when you can find neither answers nor direction, you need to force yourself into movement. I am talking about physical actual movement because that energy is like jump-starting your whole self. I was there at the beginning of 2021.
A year after the pandemic started, I was not in a good place mentally, physically, spiritually. A conundrum really. I was about to launch The Anxious Mom Manifesto. A book with my lessons on how to keep your anxiety monster under control. An optimistic tale of overcoming mental health issues. The problem was that at that moment, I wasn’t optimistic at all. I was actually bored. Tired. Numb. So I challenged myself to run every day for a month.
During February I ran again and again and again until my body, mind, and soul were finally shaken. Physical movement, running for me in particular, starts a chain reaction of flowing energy that ultimately will make you feel energetic, enthusiastic, positive, and joyful. Yes, endorphins can explain some of that, physically speaking, but you can also feel the movement in your soul. Imagine you are driving a car with dirt covering your windshield, and little by little the dirt starts clearing up. You start seeing things and your path opens.
I fell in love with running since my very first race, a 5k color run back in 2013. Ever since I have learned to use running as a meditation practice. It clears my head, it’s the moment I have for solitude and self-exploration. I have got incredible bursts of inspiration while running. That feeling led me to sign for that 13.1-mile race to be held in November in Saint Augustine. I thought it was perfect because I would have all the rest of the year to get ready.
“At first I was afraid, I was petrified” because that is a looooong distance. The max I had run before was a 10k like 4 years ago. By April I was excited and strong. I launched my book successfully and confidently, and I was feeling like I was on top of the world.
Like it happens in running, sometimes in life, you have to make a detour unexpectedly…
In May I had a health scare that forced me to slow down. At that moment I realized something even bigger. What my body needed was love. As much exercise and nutrition and all of that bull that I was feeding myself with, I was not loving and appreciating my body as I should have.
That is what last summer was for me. Understanding and appreciating all that my body has done and what it still could do. Being thankful about its journey. I went on a trip, grief the loss of my dog, climbed on top of a mountain, rested… and in July, when I felt confident enough I started my half marathon training.
You need two things to start. Direction and accountability. I got the Nike half marathon training program for free in the app and I recruited my friend and business partner Claudia to help me in my training journey. You need to find someone that keeps you on track. If you want a piece of advice, find someone that exceeds you in the fitness department. Someone that won’t eat your bullcrap anytime you want to procrastinate. We all have that friend who loves to work out, who eats clean and is strict with her fitness routine. She is the one you need. She is the one who is going to push you. And if you are lucky enough as I was, she will also sign for a half marathon if not the same as yours, at least around the same time so you can train together even in the distance.
Every week as my training progressed I did several things. Aside from journaling and documenting things that I was feeling, I took pictures of myself after each training and of my progress in the app and sent them to Claudia. If I didn’t send a picture to her in a couple of days she was texting me her’s and asking me what happened. Some days, to be honest, I was so lazy but I didn’t want to let her down. And I got up and trained and sent the accountability picture. Other days I was so energetic and pumped up that I was happy to train! You will have ups and downs during that time and it’s normal. Accountability helps big time. I have to publicly thank her for being there for me every step of the way. For not letting me crumble, and for believing in me. That is what friends do.
Occasionally I posted something on social media. Not to brag but as an extra accountability source. Of course, you find people that will put you down “You are kind of fat. Aren’t you afraid you are going to hurt your knees with your weight and the run?” “Why are you doing this for?” You need to silence those voices like you silence the annoying groups in WhatsApp. Plus, you will also find encouraging voices. Those are the ones you have to tune-up! Some will actually give you good advice and encouragement. Follow your instincts and proper training. You will be alright!
All was great until I found out they had canceled the race, like a month before it was scheduled. Claudia immediately sent me a link with races in my area and told me: “sign up for one right now”. I didn’t think it much and signed for a race close to my house. That could have been also an excuse to quit. But I didn’t let that happen.
The race day came and I was feeling confident and ready. It was harder than I thought. The first half of it was smooth. By mile 9 I started to feel drained. Mile 10 was a struggle. A little before mile 11 I felt I was going to quit the race and I had a massive panic attack. Fortunately, my anxiety journey had left some lessons behind as well, and with my tools, I managed to compose myself somehow. But I was not 100% in the race anymore.
If you believe in spirit guides as I do, I prayed for help to finish the race. An angel appeared. Leigh Anne and her daughter Jossie, who I didn’t know, were standing on the side of the road giving water to the competitors. They saw me struggling. “I am going to quit,” I said. “No, you are not!” said Leigh Anne. Both of them accompanied me for the last two miles, gave me comfort, encouragement, and helped me to finish the last part of the race until I crossed the finish line at around 3 and a half hours, and I felt a rush that I never had in my entire life. I will be eternally grateful for what Leigh Anne and Josie did for me. Proof that the universe always sends you help, if you are humble enough to ask for it. Angels work through people like you and me, and we support each other here because that’s what we are here for. They were my angels that day and I will never forget that…
I took a moment to understand what I had just accomplished. A few months ago I was not able to even finish a 10k. And I was there standing after the 13.1-mile mark with the Thankful Turkey Half Marathon medal crying and filled with emotions. I didn’t care I was the last one. I finished it! That was my goal. I didn’t quit. I kept going because that is what you do in life, you have to keep going no matter what. Going forward, when I do my next one (because heck yeah I will run another one) I will be sure to beat myself again. No one else.
Later, I was celebrating with my husband and kids and they were so proud of what I did. It filled my heart with love. They are also my motivators, my light in everything I do.
After a while and feeling all the pain that the race left, physically speaking, I started to contemplate the experience as a whole. I realized I made some mistakes, things I had done in my training that I could have done differently. Also, I was proud of the great things that happened, how I handled the whole thing mentally, physically, and spiritually. I am proud and happy about all of it. The race was ultimately a great lesson of what the step-by-step philosophy really is. Concentrating on the mile you are running, and not at the finish line. Enjoying the road. Learning to absorb the details that surround you and work with what you have, right there at the moment.
As I was reaching mile after mile during the race I considered myself a mile more mindful. And all that I lived during the race, and the months before had much more for me to dissect, something I intend to do in the following months doing what I do best… writing. So yes, I am declaring here that I will write more about this. Stay tuned!
For now, I leave you with this. Your goals are not impossible. You have to aim for the stars if you want a little piece of heaven. Dream big, be mindful about the road to making that dream come true and then enjoy the fruits of your achievement. It will fuel your next big dream and trust me, the universe is so vast and wonderful that has big pieces of heaven for each of us, heaven you can reach right now while you are living and breathing. Take just one step toward what you want and nothing will stop you. And be grateful for that body you have because is a wonderful miracle.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I will go back to my couch. Just for a while…
Paola is the author of The Lake of Miracles/El Lago de Los Milagros, Shorty Tales (Cuentitos), and The Anxious Mom Manifesto: 18 Lessons to Control your Anxiety Monster. Find her books HERE.
Follow Paola @paobsur
