Halloween night had just ended. I woke up looking for water as I was extremely thirsty, one of the things I experienced since I started developing the symptoms of COVID-19 just a few days before that. It was an unusual Halloween. We watched some movies with the kids, and thanks to the over the counter medicine that I was taking, I was asleep by 10 pm. But then, suddenly I woke up at 1 a.m. The hour had changed and I thought, “great! I have an extra hour to worry about.”
Time is one of the things you start thinking more often once you get diagnosed with COVID-19. When did it start? When did you feel the first symptoms? When is it going to be over? Then it’s a day by day battle. Battle with your body, your mind, your emotions… so if you ask me, I could have gone fine without that extra hour. Now here is the thing. When you google about the illness, because you inevitably do when you have it, you can find all sorts of information. From the timeline of symptoms, how to quarantine, how to take care of your family and pets while you are sick, when the symptoms could get worse, why you should not relax even if your symptoms are improving, what to take or not to take, how to read your oxygen levels, etc. You find the macabre as well. You read about death, stories of people who didn’t recover, how sometimes things get worse all of a sudden, and you know, all the things that Google always shows you that make you wait for the worse. Another thing that happens once you tell others you have the illness, is that it seems like everyone has a recommendation and a story to tell you. It reminded me of when I first got pregnant. Moms know what I am talking about when you are clueless about what’s coming to you and everyone seems to give you ideas of how to handle your pregnancy and motherhood experience, and you are oversaturated with information. The same thing with COVID, so much that at one point you don’t know why you are holding a garlic clove in your hand and what it is for. There is something that no one talks about though. Nobody mentions how your mental health is affected once you get the diagnosis and the days that follow. Nobody talks about how draining mentally COVID is while you are dealing with it.
Yes, there is A LOT of information on how to cope with mental health issues during this time but is mostly addressed in general, not to the person that is actually sick with COVID. Even I, a few months before, developed a guide for coping with Anxiety in Coronavirus Time, a guide I created for my platform Momxious, a support space for moms with anxiety. You see, I have suffered from anxiety for a very long time and I have to say I have learned a lot about dealing with it. I always compare anxiety with a monster that tries to consume you. After many years of trial and error, I got to finally tame the monster and started to live a different life, controlling anxiety and not the other way around. About a year ago I decided that I was going to help others, so I concentrated efforts on creating the Momxious platform because I realized that I could actually help. So I wrote a book about it, The Anxious Mom Manifesto, which will be out in a few months. In it, I explain my experiences and methods, tips, lessons, and all sorts of suggestions for mothers like me to cope with the anxiety monster on a daily basis and how to make it work in your favor. So once the Coronavirus threat started back in February, I had to put all this information to good use because anxiety started becoming a daily topic all around. Little did I know that all of what I have developed, including the book, was going to be put to the biggest test.
Ever since my husband and I tested positive I started having a very strong battle with my monster. The biggest one so far. While my body was fighting the physical symptoms hard, my mind was fighting harder the fears that feed the monster. When you are fully aware that your body is battling a virus that has taken the lives of over a million people around the world and you have anxiety issues, of course, your mind is going to go to dark places. Even when your symptoms are mild and manageable. As I mentioned before, you are thinking about time. When is this virus going to attack me or my husband with full force? You imagine yourself being separated from your family and taken to the hospital. You imagine yourself being connected to a ventilator. You worry about your kids. You worry about the family members that you haven’t seen in a while. You imagine worst-case scenarios. And that is terrifying. Fortunately, and I believe this with all my heart, I think the Universe was preparing me to face this situation with my own weapons. All the years training to battle anxiety helped me through these two weeks. I cried a lot. I was scared, scratch that. I was scared shitless. But also, I remained hopeful knowing that all of us have a fighter inside.
One of the things that helped me the most was taking it one day at a time. Meditation was key. I also tried a method that I mention in my book called “the comeback method”. In a few words, it consists of changing the negative train of thought consciously, thus not letting your mind go to the dark place but trying to find a better chain of positive thoughts that can allow you to come back to a calmer state. It can start with one single positive thought. Or finding a comfortable instant distractor. That is how I managed to stop looking at answers in Google or watching the news, or thinking about time. One day I just started to watch Game of Thrones, my favorite series, again. So instead of thinking about the day I was once again immersed in Westeros. I took time reading and writing. Also, I listened to audiobooks while I was trying to fall asleep. I used my own journaling method, which basically is praying, meditating, and writing, answering a few questions morning and night. But what helped me the most was the gratitude list. No matter the circumstances in life you can ALWAYS find things to be grateful for. And the more things you find the better you feel. So every day I wrote 5 things. I was also constantly in touch with others. Isolation is frustrating enough. But technology is there and we need to use it. Connecting with others is vital. You realize that you are never alone. I was moved by the support of family and friends that were constantly checking on us. Some offered meals, or even gifts for my kids so they could cheer up. You have no idea what that means to a person who is sick. So if you are in that position of being the support for another person, just do it. You can change her day in an instant. That sense of compassion and care for others is an energy shifter.
I know my family is part of the lucky ones. Our symptoms were mild and manageable at home. Except for a day when I thought I was already out of the woods but the virus decided to attack my stomach so I ended up in the ER for a few hours. Thankfully I was back at home and even as both of us still have lingering covid effects, (for me it is a lack of energy that has made me sleep for days), we are both feeling fine and our kids never developed symptoms. So yes, we were lucky and I am grateful for it.
If you are going through something like this I can tell you another couple of things. Your mind needs nourishment and rest just like your body. SO REST BOTH! Take it easy. Your priority is to recover not the house that is a mess or the million other tasks you think you have. Rest your body and mind as needed. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help, any kind of help. Particularly, if you feel depressed and anxious because of COVID you need to address this issue as to any other physical symptom. Talk to others about what you are feeling. Know also that there is a team of light protecting you, and the Universe will answer your requests when you ask for help.
The thing with this virus is that we never think it can happen to us. It starts with tales from people you don’t know and then it continues approaching your circle until it finally hits you. I really hope you don’t get it. But if you do, know that you are stronger than you think you are and that taking care of yourself and your health, mental and physical is important. Give yourself some love every day. Don’t forget about others. Always be compassionate, and stop taking mental health as unimportant. The emotional and mental part can affect our overall full recovery. Let’s not be afraid of talking about it. And let’s continue supporting each other because we know there is still a big road ahead of us and COVID is not going anywhere but we can get through this together.
Finally, I want to give you a prayer I wrote and helped me with the other methods I used. I hope you find it useful and lift your spirit up!
Thank you for my body that is able to heal itself. Thank you for the medicine that is providing me comfort when I need it. Thank you for the doctors because they will take care of me if needed. Thank you for my lungs that are able to receive the air I need. Thank you for my blood that is nurturing every organ in my body. Thank you for the peace and quiet that is helping me to rest and heal. I am able to heal with love. I am protected. I am not alone. My family is protected. I will get through this knowing that the Universe and my team of light are guiding me, and letting me see the experience through the lens of love instead of fear. So when this is over, I will not only be stronger but will love my life even more. Through love, I heal.
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