I don’t know if it’s the stress of everything that’s happening in the country, or if I’m just overwhelmed with motherhood, or if it’s the damn hormones (because fucking hormones happen.) Maybe it was all these three things combined, but this morning I lost my phone and lost my shit. There, in front of my two children I had a mom’s tantrum. We all have had one of those, and if you dare to deny it, feel free to cast the first stone. From one moment to another I began to cry and shout. This does not happen often. I call these episodes states of temporarily dementia. Once they are over, we can’t fully remember what actually happened there. What I remember the most about today’s episode is to tell them that I would become a really mean mom. The two little ones stood petrified at the door. They left in silence, got into the car without protest, and began to cry. I sat down, put on my sunglasses and also broke into tears. I kept telling them a number of things, including rules I was going to impose and I had an aha moment! Maybe that’s what happens to our dictator, excuse me, our president. Maybe he has presidential tantrums and that is when he begins to sign executive actions that are meaningless and completely evil…
When we were arriving at school I told them that I was sorry. I got heartbroken when both of them apologized too, because they did not have to. It’s not their fault. They are children. I am the one who must guide them, who must put order of course, but above all I should be their example, and today it was me who misbehaved.
When I got home I was able to calm down (and of course I found the damn cell phone). Maybe my children are now feeling that when they return from school they will encounter a momtactorship. Let’s pretend that this is true. “We’re going to make the Sur family great again.” For that, I would have to sign the following executive orders:
– Cell phones, tablets, and television are prohibited at meal times.
-I am banning legos, play-dough, and glitter.
-Any version of the song “Papa finger, mama finger” is vetoed.
-Bedroom curfew shall start at 8 pm.
-Migration to the main room at night is prohibited. The little immigrant will be deported to his/her room without explanation.
-Whatever Mom finds on the floor the next day will be thrown away or donated.
-Any violation to the previous rules will be paid with punishments such as:
- Time out in the dark inside the bathroom while listening to a recording of the bogeyman’s voice.
- Cold water shower if crying hysterically.
- A reading weekend with the window open so they can see the beautiful weather outside.
Another thing. A special executive order for my husband:
-Snoring is not allowed. Failure to follow this rule will result in the building of a wall in the bed, which he will have to pay.
Sign, and comply.
You and I both know that this is not going to happen. The first fight between my children I will be the one who gives them the Ipad, or when my children emigrate to my room at 3 in the morning I will hug them and give them kisses, my husband will continue to snore as if nothing ever happened, and my house will remain a morning chaos as it was today. In the middle of everything we are happy and every mom finds the way to make everything works, with rules or not. Every home is different and is already great most of the times. Actually, the only executive order that moms must sign is this: AS A MOTHER DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU AND DO NOT JUDGE OTHER MOTHERS. But if you could establish a momtactorship at your house, what executive order would you sign?
And for those tantrums let’s remember that there are carbohydrates and wine!
