Looking for a job after being a stay-at-home-mom is like going back to dating after ending a long-term relationship. At least this is what I assume, after comparing my recent job-hunting experiences with the stories of my divorced friends who are going back into the dating game.
In addition, I realized that for a mom who hasn’t used high heels in what it seems to be like an eternity, job interviews are opportunities to learn about herself, to face her fears, and especially, to realize what does she or doesn’t she want for her future. This new experience in where LinkedIn can easily become a Match.com, has left me lessons that I hope would inspire and /or make other moms in the same situation laugh.
It all starts with writing a decent electronic profile, a polished resume, and a great cover letter. However, it is expected that a mother should have to justify her decision to stay at home, as if the challenge of being with her children 24/7 was a crime and punishment simultaneously. How to make people understand that being a stay-at-home-mom is not synonymous of wasting your time? What is it with such moms’ necessity of covering up all what we do every day so that others do not see us as useless little characters in yoga pants? Well, I decided not to fall into that trap and instead, I chose to be proud of motherhood and embrace it. Even if it costs me a million jobs, I will never hide the fact that being a mom is not only the best job I have ever had but also, the one that has given me more experience so far. So I went with my gut and used my creativity and storytelling ability. The result was a cover letter that has been the most honest text I’ve written in years.
This has helped me to get the attention of several people. Soon I began having “blind dates,” AKA the dreaded “telephone interviews.” Those first contact calls may make you feel like a beauty pageant contestant. You have only few seconds to answer the questions of the jury, I mean the human resources recruiter, and it doesn’t matter how long and hard you have been preparing yourself for the interview, how many articles about “getting a job for sure” have you read, or if you know exactly how do you see yourself in the near future, sometimes it happens. As soon as you hang the phone you beat yourself up because you know you could have answered much better, but nerves and anxiety made you say something stupid. And the only reason why a person feels nervous before a telephone interview, as well as on a romantic date, is because you really like the other person or you really want that job. You envision yourself in that relationship, stable and happy with just a single call.
One of two things happens. The other person may tell you a “we’ll be in touch” (the equivalent of “I’ll call you”,) or tell you specifically when you will be contacted to have a subsequent interview in person, (the equivalent of a second date). The problem is that in this world of social networking and interconnectivity, both in the workplace and in the romantic sphere, there are plenty of spaces for which such appointment may be made. The truth is that now that you have the second chance, you also have to dress to impress. This is the time where you can demonstrate that your beauty queen responses were simply the product of nervousness. You must also ensure that you look your best. A lot has to be done: get a nanny, style your hair, get your mani-pedi done, and find a suit, something that is not easy for a stay-at-home-mom. It means you have to go shopping and your best option is go to The Limited and try to get an outfit that makes you feel like Olivia Pope.
I once had two interviews on the same day over a period of 4 hours, the first one via Skype and the next one in person. This was where my skills as a mom helped me. If there is something that a mom can do is manage to have time for everything. You know you can cook and talk on the phone, all while breastfeeding. So going from point A to point B without spoiling my white suit was not a problem at all. And I succeeded, I mean I was on time, I did my interviews, and at the end of the day I was happy, even when I still don’t know the outcome of it. It was a busy but satisfying day. I learned many things and that is always a great feeling.
Being contacted again by the same company, or the same romantic prospect can be rewarding, because you realize that the other has an interest in you. At this point chemistry plays an important role in either situation. Just as when you recognize that the guy in front of you is not going to fulfill you emotionally, and you know that it’s not going to happen just by seeing how he dresses and what he says in the first five minutes of the date, you know if the person who is interviewing you for a job may actually be your potential boss or colleague and you immediately visualize yourself in the office (or walking down the aisle in the other case). But remember that this occurs both ways. In a date you also recognize when “he is not that into you” and you either decide to persevere into having the relationship at all costs, or decide to run immediately without even paying the check.
In the interview, the other person may also take notes, which can be intimidating, or can smile and give you confidence; he or she can be serious and limits the conversation to those three predictable questions you read the night before on a blog, or you can actually have a very interesting and relaxed conversation where you are suddenly drinking coffee and having a lecture on marketing and social media … the fact is that this is the crucial point where the relationship is born or dropped. There comes the days of waiting, the staring at the phone, you are checking your email constantly, and wondering if the relationship, romantic or business one, will prosper or not. If things flow, soon you may hear the “I can not wait to see you again” or the “you’re hired.” If the days of waiting are eating you alive, you can step forward and meet half way with a casual comment on Facebook for the romantic relationship, or the so-called “follow up email” on labor issues. It’s natural to be afraid of rejection. No one likes to be told “no,” especially when someone or some job generates much interest in you. But eventually you will get over it and move on.
I have always thought that everyone has a talent for something specific. We must cling to that own call. Of course, you can lack certain skills for a specific job, but skills can be acquired or improved. Talent will not. Talent is innate. Never an employer or a romantic prospect will know if you are the person they are looking for just by a single conversation. How many times it occurs that the relationship for which you initially gave cero chances of survival ends up being the one with the love of your life, or that interview that left you in tears eventually becomes the job of your dreams. You have to give it time and a chance to develop by fortune. And whatever happens, happens. You learn and keep on walking, either on your new high heels or in your comfortable slippers.
