The Short Story of Khan, the Husky Who Built a Family.
It was a day in February 2009 when we decided to adopt him. Khan looked like a living fluffy teddy bear with those wonderful magnetizing blue eyes. We said yes, an impulsive decision, one of many of our impulsive decisions as a couple. We didn’t know it then but that was the day our real family began…
It was the moment we realized we were together for the long run.
A few months later, in another impulsive decision, we got married at the courthouse, just us and a handful of people. Months later we had the real thing with the church, the party, the music, the guests, the Ukrainian rock band, and the Colombian dancers.
He was there watching all of this being unfolded. In retrospect, I think this was his master plan. His purpose was to start this family. Igor and I had been together already for a few years back then but for many reasons we were never able to take that big step. Once Khan came into the picture this was very easy to do.
So it began. He was there watching us becoming a married couple. Then becoming parents. He was there protecting the new baby like the wolf he was, or next to me in the late-night feedings.
He was Eva’s first plush living toy, the big brother. Later he did the same for Erik. He was there in every house and state we moved into. He enjoyed our camping trips, our movie nights, stealing ice from the refrigerator’s ice dispenser, or not letting other dogs drink from the water bowl at the doggie parks. But oh my, how he loved the snow!
Unluckily for him, we ended up living in Florida. But he adapted quickly. He enjoyed the breeze on the boat rides or standing on the balcony watching people and other dogs. On occasion, we took him to the beach, which he didn’t enjoy much, plus the combination of sand and husky hair is a not very welcomed one.
Our family and friends adored him, and he was the center of attention everywhere we went. It was not unusual for people to ask us if they could pet him or even take pictures with him.
He might look scary to some, ‘is that a wolf?’ We were asked many times. The truth is he was the sweetest boy on the planet, friendly, adored kids, always demanding a belly rub from strangers. For me he was the most handsome of dogs, huskies have that attractive quality anyway. They are all strikingly beautiful creatures.
He was witness to the good, the bad, and the ugly, normal in any foundation of a family. As he saw us thrive, he also saw our discussions, struggles, failures, and he was always comforting us. He knew who needed him the most in any particular situation.
Being a SAHM was easier because of him. He had my back when I went through periods of anxiety and isolation. He helped me to become a better mom and was my companion and support for years. He was even an inspiration to one of the characters of my books! As a writer, I spend a lot of time just by myself. I am already used to that. Thanks to him I was never alone. He was always right there, so his presence was very important for me, just knowing that for the most part of the day it was just the two of us.
Khan, Khan Solo, Khachanchik, Monster, The Little Cow, were just some of the many more nicknames he had. I remember vividly the first time I heard him howling. It was the most beautiful sound in the world! I had a mini wolf! That baby husky howling is adorable for the first 24 hours tho. I think after that our neighbors wanted to find ways to evict us. He never barked, he talked and made adorable grumpy sounds when he was uncomfortable with something.
However, most of his messages came through his eyes. Only a look and we knew what he meant. So for almost 13 years, he was our glue. Our loyal wolf. Until June 24th, 2021, when he decided it was his time to cross the rainbow bridge.
The Turning Point
Things started to change about a year ago. He was diagnosed with a tumor and he had surgery. To be honest, at that moment I thought it was the end but he was not ready to say goodbye just yet. He pushed through and the tumor ended up being benign. Although he was already suffering from arthritis, he recovered fast and soon he was again the husky we knew. So we were very hopeful, thinking he still had a few years to live.
He became very stubborn, a stereotypical grumpy grandpa. He always had that strong personality, a character. Little by little, it was more difficult for him to walk and he spent hours sleeping or lying down. His arthritis was also taking a toll on his health. Plus he was heavy! Of course when you see your dog’s health decaying you start thinking about that, if or when you will be ready to accept your pet’s death. But nothing prepares you for that regardless of how bad you see your pet coming along with his health problems.
As the summer was approaching, and since traveling was again an option, we started to plan our annual summer vacation trip. Thanks to the pandemic we hadn’t seen our families for almost two years and we planned a trip to visit my husband’s family in Europe. Our initial plan was to leave Khan at the same pet hotel he always had stayed and that he loved. But then we considered the option of hiring a personal sitter, someone whose attention could be focused on him.
The day I said bye to him for some reason I told him “Please wait for me. Promise me you will wait for me”. And I left with the kids. This was the last time I saw him.
My husband stayed a few days behind and he was planning to travel later in the week. Two days before he was supposed to leave he called me. He told me they were in the emergency room, Khan was not feeling ok. It was difficult for him to breathe and he was just not walking much.
They ran all sorts of tests and discovered a mild infection and fever. His heart, although was functioning and working well, looked somehow bigger. They also said it was all related to his age and we just needed to be careful about that and keep monitoring it. They treated him with fluids and sent him home with prescriptions and follow-up orders.
Khan left the hospital in good spirits, walking and being his normal self. That night he went to sleep and he never woke up. He crossed over the rainbow bridge peacefully at home with the only person he knew could handle the whole thing.
Even though Khan loved us all, undoubtedly Igor was the love of his life. His alpha. So it made sense he wanted to be alone with him at the end. They had a very strong and unique bond. Khan’s eyes lit differently every single night my husband returned from work, and always listened to him, followed him, and sat next to him whenever he had the chance.
Time to Say Goodbye
When my husband called me that day, immediately I knew. Instantly knew… I was absolutely heartbroken, devastated, and felt incredibly guilty for being far away. My kids were staying in another room with relatives. I decided I would tell them later on the day when I could be calmer, and strong enough to do it.
We received hundreds of messages for support. This was very important for us, and we will always be grateful for the support we received that day. But I was so worried about my kid’s reaction. They hadn’t experienced death closely, so I knew this was going to be a difficult pill to swallow. Telling them the news was the hardest thing I have ever done. I broke their hearts and as a mom, this is a moment that I would never forget.
All I can say, for now, is that death should be a topic that as parents we need to be prepared to talk to, like any other thing. As hard and uncomfortable as it is, it’s also necessary.
I will leave the conversation of grieving, talking about death with the kids, and dealing with the anxiety that followed me for days for another post. What I can tell you is that as a family this was hard but now I understand it happened the way Khan intended.
Indeed he waited for me. For me to go away with the kids and not be there to see him passing away so we, especially the kids, could keep his image as a living dog. He was loyal until the end. It was as if his intention was to be for all the beginning of our family. Once he saw us settled, happy, ready to enter into a new family era, he decided to leave. ‘My job here is done I can see him saying from above.
Healing Through His Teachings
The month that followed was unusual, but healing and productive. We spent days far away, sometimes grieving, we had time to process this and talk about him, focusing on what he meant for us. We also took time to enjoy ourselves, traveling, exploring, honoring what he helped us to build: our family.
When I came back into the apartment and not seeing him there waiting for us, a new and difficult process began. Getting used to a life without him. It is incredible when it is in someone’s absence when his presence is strongest. I still can see him sleeping on the couch that is also no longer there or sitting in his favorite corners around the apartment. I can feel him and I think I even had heard him, maybe a figment of my imagination, perhaps a sign, who knows. What I know is that I still love him, I miss him and I always will.
This is what a pet teaches you. How to be responsible for another living creature. He teaches you compassion, empathy, and joy. But not the momentary joy, I am talking about a mindful one. Because for a pet joy is a condition that is always present, it is always to its fullest reach because he loves unconditionally and permanently.
He is never really angry at you, never judges you, he shows you that words are sometimes unnecessary, that acting from a place of love is what we need and it’s always the right choice. He shows you how to be still, to don’t keep rushing through life. Also that you don’t need much but your basics needs to be taken care of. That your life is full of luxuries but you don’t see them or even appreciate them. He teaches you about friendship, comradery, companionship, and even complicity. He knows your secrets, your deepest feelings. He teaches you about being grateful, truly grateful, for the small and great things in life.
In the end, he also teaches you that life is short and that when humans are always in the pursuit of things, tangible things, a pet is trying to show you that just enjoying your life is enough, in any circumstance. He teaches you that death is just another step, makes you think about it as a point where we all will be someday. It doesn’t matter what you believe, I personally do believe in the spirit and a continuation of the eternal soul after someone passes. What’s really important is what you leave behind, how you will be remembered by those around you.
However, the biggest teaching that a pet leaves you is that you are enough. With your mistakes, your failures, your struggles. You spend days thinking about how imperfect you are. You look in the mirror and feel that something is always missing. You are not wealthy enough, smart enough, pretty, enough, healthy enough, fill-in-the-blank enough… But for that creature, you are just perfect. You are everything he needs, his world, and that is why he gives you all. He loves you for who you are, he sees the wonderful things you are made of but you are incredibly stubborn to recognize, and teaches you that if he can love you like that, you have to be capable of learning to love yourself in the same way. Or at least try.
I know many go through this without talking about it. Grieving a pet is as hard as grieving a family member. If you are in a similar situation know that you are not alone. That it is normal to feel sad, lonely, that you can talk about this and learn from it. For some it’s easier, for others it takes time. And it is fine. The point is that losing a pet and feeling so sad about it should not make you feel ashamed. On the contrary, these are the things that make you human.
Someone told me recently that sadness is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. So if you are grieving a pet, pay attention to your emotions and take the time you need to grieve and find joy again to honor him. If it’s getting too hard, it’s ok to ask for help too. So don’t be afraid to look for it if you need it.
With this post, I want to honor my furry son, what he taught me. It might inspire you or simply make you think about life and its different meanings. If you have a pet, enjoy your time together the best way you can. Give away as many kisses, hugs, or belly rubs as you can. You never know which is going to be the last one.
It took time for me to be able to write about this and as usual, it has been cathartic. Thank you so much for reading this story, Khan’s story. And once more, thank you, Khan, always in my heart. Until I see you across the rainbow bridge…
I want to thank the people at The Puppy Place House, First Coast Veterinary Emergency, Oceanview Veterinary Hospital for all that you did for us and for Khan particularly in the last years of his life. Eternally grateful.
